At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
