I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
