yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
