my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
