i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
