In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
