Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
