You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
