well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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