Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
