So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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