The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
