well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
