I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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