I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The adults are the big ones right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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