Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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