What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
