You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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