just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
