Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
