Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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