I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
