Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
