It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
