upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
