Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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