Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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