My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
