I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I supernannyed him into submission
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
