So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
