sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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