thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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