we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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