Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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