i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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