I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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