i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
