I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
