my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
