Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
