after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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