Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hippo gnu deer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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