Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
