they need to just BURY HIM!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
