He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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