I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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