dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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