listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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