I intend to get homeless drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
