I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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