They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
