great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
