I'm jealous of your bromance
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
