I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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