You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
