if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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