i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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