Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
