I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
