I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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