Sorry, I don't speak sober.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
be right there i have to get my cape
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
