The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
