i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
