drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
