1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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