Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
