My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
