haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
